Doug and Bob are metropolitan policemen with a difference. Doug likes nothing more than slipping into little cocktail frocks, while Bob bouffants his hair for a night on duty. Still, as they aren’t in this film I won’t give their last names.
The Real Story of the Film So Far:
Pucky Reginald Vas Deferens is a nuclear scientist in love with mafia boss Enrico Marx, who is himself married to Conchita Macbeth, a lively belly-dancer at the Belgian disco whose manager, Burly Ivan Crapp, has a naked daughter Janice engaged to J.J. Spinman, New York private detective, employed by elegant Laura Herron to trace the missing million-pound bidet that Hitler gave to Eva Braun as a bar mitzvah present during a state visit to Crufts, and which remained hidden until a World Cup referee, Horst Jenkenson, was found hanged in a New Jersey tenement with the plans of a Russian secret weapon partially tattooed on his elbow.
In Brisbane, the Brain brothers, Nicky and Vance, torture a Mayfair psychologist, who reveals to Dora Brain in a tender and emotional death scene that his hair is not his own.
Meanwhile, the Kent Touring Eleven have trapped husky Matilda Tritt on a sticky near Hastings, and she reveals all before enforcing the follow army.
Peter Niesewand and Cyril Garfunkel arrive just in time with the Welsh Police, and the Harry Orchestra, and proceed to sing a love song which allows Dr. Indira McNorton just enough time to cross the alps into Geneva, where he meets Kon Rapp, a kung fu fanatic and cat lover, who frivolously shoots him, but not before introducing him to lively intelligent Norwegian widow Lanny Krimt, who shows him her inner thighs, where he finds the address of a good French restaurant, and unexpectedly meets Gabriello Machismo, an ex-Korean plastic surgeon whose frankly blonde assistant Sally Lesbitt is now the half-brother of a distant cousin of Ray Vorn Ding-ding-a-dong, the Eurovision song, and owner of the million-pound bidet given by Hitler to Eva Braun as a bar mitzvah present during a state visit to Crufts, and which remained hidden, etc. etc. etc.
This they now do.
Meanwhile, Harold and Victor Medway III discover a newfound love for each other in an flashback near Devon, where they meet up with Doug and Bob, the metropolitan policemen who surprisingly turn out to be in this film at all, who kill everyone and live happily ever after.